Monday, 11 January 2016

Walking Away (Adventures of L-Plate Gran)


The more Little G and I are together, the more I realise how fast time is fleeting by. In six weeks she will celebrate her second birthday. It is hard to believe. Some time this spring she'll become a big sister and You must be mad will be at home on maternity leave, so our precious two days of fun may no longer happen. Two more years and she could be in full time nursery school.

There's an ache in my heart as I look back on our times together. Crawling races in the shiny summer grass, culminating in a shared ice cream. Hoisting her up into the swing to screams of delight. Collecting autumn leaves to take back. Dancing in the arcade under the twinkly Christmas lights. All this is now in our past. It won't ever happen again.

Whenever I hear mothers complain that they 'can't wait' for their little ones to start nursery/school. I want to grab hold of them and say, 'You will never get this precious time back. This period of innocence and trust, when cuddles and kisses are freely given. When you are the epicentre of the world; your lap is safety and your arms represent security and comfort.'

Little G is developing into a small person. She makes choices and decisions; she doesn't always co-operate. Sometimes we have disagreements and bust-ups. I watch her walking away from her sweet baby-self and stepping into her little girlhood, leaving behind all the lovely times we have both shared. And I know that's how it has to be. For both of us. As the poet C.Day Lewis put it: 'Selfhood begins with a walking away,/And love is proved in the letting go.'



To be continued ...   ....

20 comments:

  1. Oh no! I don't want it to end either....

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  2. Hoping I still get one of my days...

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  3. Love that poem - and yes, that is how it is. I, too, felt bereft at first at the loss of those baby days when one daughter worked. But there is also a joy in seeing the little person evolve, even if they're not with you so much. That little boy who climbed on my lap for yet another story is now playing rugby!!

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    1. And the little girl with My Little Pony specs is now expecting her second child!

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  4. I'm sure your help will be gratefully accepted!

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  5. Oh Carol, I needed a tissue for that. I agree with you about the 'can't wait until...' speech. It drove me mad when I heard a lady at the Tesco checkout saying she would be glad when school started after the holidays, her poor kids looked miserable! I turned to my three and they were laughing, helping with the shopping and I knew that I was doing something right. I hate it when school starts and they aren't at home. You should be so proud that Little G is such a beautiful, independent and happy little girl because you helped her to achieve that - I look forward to the 'Toddler Tales' and 'Teenage Terrors' in the future. ;-)

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  6. Such a lovely post. I struggled with young motherhood, my three are almost all adults now, but I can't wait for time to play with the grandchildren one day!

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  7. But there will be so many more different but just as special memories, Carol. My beautiful niece is driving me to the hospital on Friday in her own car!

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  8. I think, as a young mother it is easy to be so tired and stressed you don't notice their childhood flashing past. As a grandmother, there is more time, less stress. You can appreciate the beauty of childhood. I know it is like that for me

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    1. True .... though I do remember feeling o sad when D started full time school...and again when she left for university..

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    2. My sister Nancy took care of grandson when his mother went back to work. When he went to preschool, it was only a few hours per day. When he started school, either Nancy or her husband took him to school, picked him up and took him back to their house.

      Grandson is now 13 or 14 and his grandparents are still very involved in his life. I don't know if they still take him to and from school.

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    3. I was a young mother and now regret wishing the time away. Many of my friends have said the same. As a grandma, it's very different. A moving post Carol - wiping a little tear from my eye.

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    4. aww...I sometimes cry when I remember these things will never recur....am so glad I didn't work when D was born...

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    5. Marti: I think being involved the the generation but one is good for both.....especially us older ones...keeps us young, laughing and loving...

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  9. Made me think about the days my parents looked after my guys when they were young. Haviing 4 children prolonged the time of having little ones around for us all. My youngest is now 13 and I am glad my parents have such a close relationship with them still.

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    1. I hope Little G will grow up to remember the lovely days we spent together ...I shall never forget them...

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  10. I've just spent a precious four days with my Littles and, as I've said many times, I wish I was in your position but they live too far away. They do grow up so fast but at least these days we don't only have photos; we have videos and voice messages and skype recordings to remind us.

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    1. yes, and tiny i-phone clips...but it is still sd that time passes so fast!

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