Saturday, 15 December 2012

Law and Disorder

Roman Snail
First, here's the good news: I have discovered a new diet. Ditch Dukan, forget fasting, sack stomach stapling and bin breaking everything into little pieces so that the calories fall out. This diet is called: Drrrrrr (drum-roll) The Lay Advocate Diet!

Our Public Inquiry has finished, and I can now fit into the kick mother-of-the-bride dress I bought that needed, ooh, a tad less hip and a tad more hooray to be totally comfortable. I am slowly readjusting to not being constantly referred to by the Council's unpleasant lawyer as 'The Applicant', which made me sound like a character out of a novel by Charles Dickens - one of those who hung around outside workhouses looking indigent.

And I haven't had the recurring bus dream for several nights: Long story. Not enough time to relate the surrounding circumstances now. Suffice to say that the therapy is helping greatly, thanks for being concerned. The Inspector has given me a couple more weeks to make my final written submission, as Chummy (the nickname we gave the Council's obnoxious self-important barrister) put in so much extra documentation outwith the exchange protocol, I didn't get time to study it all. So I shall continue to be a razor blade in their candyfloss for a while longer.

Highlights of the past few days: Prancing around in a pencil skirt and smart tailored jacket. Getting away with almost being a lawyer - then realizing that I don't have to pretend to be one again. Ever. Being applauded for my speech. That memorable moment on the second day when Chummy sneeringly remarked that, 'as the Applicant is not a qualified lawyer, I'd better explain the Beresford Case to her,' and the Inspector slapped him down with, 'I have read Mrs Hedges' folder and listened to her opening statements, and I believe she has an extremely good grasp of the law.'

Regrets? I have a few, but then again, too few to mention - oh go on, since you asked: Discovering  that my 'intelligent' face seems to be identical to my 'one brain cell and it's out to lunch' face. Also it would have been nice to have finished completely. It would have been equally nice to have got up, crossed the floor and punched Chummy when he subjected one of my lovely volunteer community witnesses to a bullying cross-examination. Most of all, I regret never getting to use the word  'bailywick' somewhere in the proceedings because it is such a great word, and I hadn't come across it before the Leveson Inquiry and I've been dying to use it ever since. But then, I'm not a lawyer, so it's not strictly my bailywick.











19 comments:

  1. Phew - are you relieved it's all over? A slight deflation, without it looming over you? Wondering if you have a new career in law?

    Whatever happens, I hope you celebrate. Doing this is a great achievement.

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    1. Certainly nice not to wake up in a panic! I can deal with writing a report better than worrying that my 10 witnesses stay well and turn up!

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  2. Wonderful Carol! I knew you'd sock it to 'em. Hope so much you all win your case. Why do those lawyers have to be so obnoxious? Surely there's no need good it,not as if it was a criminal court. Probably he was jealous of how good you were. Losing a few pounds is at least a wee bonus.

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    1. The Inspector was lovely. We all liked him. I think he got the measure of 'Chummy' in 2 minutes - his body language was 'interesting' every time Chummy opened his mouth - which he did an awful lot!

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  3. Carol, you're amazing! Congrats on everything. It sounds like you did a great job.

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  4. Congratulations!!!! You have quite some spunk, Ms Hedges! I'm going to give you my special Wooden Spoon Award, which is designated for really special people who do a magnificent job of stirring up the porridge that surrounds the powers that be. Well done!!!

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  5. "No good deed goes unpunished." Now you understand! Volunteerism is a wonderful thing, until you get questioned by a shyster.

    An enjoyable read, as usual Carol, I so look forward to your blogs. They usually tickle the funny bone, and laughter is definitely in my bailiwick.

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    1. Mr Hap, my life is such that if I didn't find the funny, I'd probably despair!!!

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  6. Go, Carol! Sounds like you kicked some butt. Well done :-) xx

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  7. Wow, Carol! Result, indeed. Mega congratulations.

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    1. Thanks ladies - we certainly did our amateur best. The real victory will be if we get the whole field registered. Then the Tory Town Council will not be able to build all over it -taking away the last bit of green space in this area. Funny how they have NO pans to build in the 'nice' leafy bits where they and their supporters live. Can't think why this should be!

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  8. Wow, Carol! Result, indeed. Mega congratulations.

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  9. You're in the dress! Hurray! It must be about time to wear it I'm guessing (been off-line for a few days so I've lost track) Hope the wedding's amazing and I think you're an extremely brave and highly intelligent lay-lawyer!!

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  10. Carol, this is an amazing achievement and all your hard work will be worth it! Just sorry it's hanging over your Christmas - at least you have The Wedding to focus on for the next week or so.

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    1. Juliet and Ros: thanks you for your support and comments. Thw battle is not over yet - but at least wwe are aquiting ourselves with dignity!

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  11. Onwards and upwards, Ms Bailiwick! Wish I could have been there to see it.:)

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    1. I wish you had - I'd have liked you see you take on Chummy!

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  12. Well done, Carol!

    Here's looking ahead to the wedding and wishing you and DD all the best!

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    1. It has been a momentous year for us both!! One of the high points has been meeting you, and your generosity in mentoring me along the social media road!!! So, many thanks for that, and wow! January is going to be equally momentous!!

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