She had just handed over the counters when one of the hard-faced middle-aged women we refer to locally as ''Tory wives'', the sort whose husbands think they own this town and us, tapped her on the shoulder and informed her coldly that her child was only allowed ONE green counter. Now E is a Canadian with a tongue that could remove paint from walls, but as she said, 'It was after school and the store was full of kids.'
So she took a deep breath, called daughter over, and proceeded to prize the green counters, one by one from her reluctant fingers. By the end of the exercise, daughter was sobbing, the queue had reached epic proportions, and Tory wife was so red and rigid you could have used her to stop traffic. This says all you need to know about my town, and explains why, despite losing our Town Green application, we continue to fight for our green space, and our beloved snails.
Meanwhile closer to home, I decided BH needed a new aftershave as the one he wears is getting on my nerves. Ever mindful of the Estee Lauder Youth Dew Incident*, decided to wait until the weekend, when he was around to test drive products. (*This was the infamous Christmas present that I was given quite early on in our marriage, because a girl where he worked wore it and he thought it smelled very nice. On her, maybe. On me it smelled like week old cat litter. Money completely wasted but hey, a lesson usefully learned.)
Arriving at John Lewis on Saturday, I headed straight for the 'Men's fragrances' a place BH dreads almost as much as a visit to the dentist - apparently it's the word 'fragrances' coupled with the scary ladies armed with bottles, fixed smiles and slightly more teeth than expected - and spent a happy time getting various strips of card sprayed before meeting BH outside the coffee place. Over coffee, persuaded him to sniff, smell and critique the various colognes. He said they all smelled exactly the same and he didn't like any of them. Just as well, as I'd forgotten which one was which anyway. And they all seemed to cost a ridiculous amount of money in the first place.
|All I need to get by|
I'm like that now so must be a lost cause! lolReplyDelete
I think I like your friend very much. I am of the same ilk and yesterday suffered my own supermarket rage. She was right to do that, maybe not for the child, but it is so irrelevant a thing to complain about and after all its just more money gong to charity too! Hmm.
Thanks, Kate, I fail to understand why people are so intolerant and unable to understand. It seems to be particularly true when children are involved. We battle on!Delete
A productive week at Hedges Towers I see. BH is lucky to have you Carol!! :)ReplyDelete
Hahaha. He doesn't always think so... but there. I think we grow closer and crosser as we age..Delete
Haha Carol. I do love your sideways looks at life. Great post.ReplyDelete
Why, thank you Francis.Delete
After reading this post I am now suffering from 'Passive Supermarket Rage' on behalf of all those who have had to endure the mindless self absorption of the many, as is the case with the abysmal treatment of your friend and her daughter. I am also frustrated, in that I am unable to seek this woman out and, via catapult, insert every one of those counters in a most unsuitable orifice of my choosing to the sound of raucous applause from like minded people...each queueing with their own counters and catapults awaiting their turn!ReplyDelete
Regarding BH and his aftershave...he could actually bottle and market his own for those who prefer the natural scent of the testosteronic male....I even have the name...'Body Eau De'...see what I did there?...Loved the post btw....always provides much mirth..:)
Haha. Thanks. I wish ( and E wished) she had let forth. She is GOOD! You would have approved. Though it would also have cleared the store..Delete
I'm with you on the smelly stuff, Carol - provided people have washes, what's the problem with smelling like people.ReplyDelete
I also live in a market town with pretensions. We are full of Tory wives. But we are also very good at caring for the 'different' - and small enough to know who they are. There's the autistic boy who spends his weekends listing car numbers, the old woman who talks to herself and gets lost, the alcoholic who can get a bit loud-mouthed at the bus stop. A few years ago we had another older woman who wandered round Waitrose in her nightclothes and one day she set herself. The manager banned her - there was an outcry of letters in the local paper - we can manage a little wee, we said, this is her home. (There's a lot wrong with this town, but that's one of its good things!)
Your town sounds nicer. We are like this because of the mix of old self-righteous busybodies and new rich young couples who've moved from London and have the same sense of entitlement. Rich being the operative word. Tho I have to say, round here, we are totally different and more like you describe - watch out for some more posts on the 366 bus gang!!Delete
We had people like that woman in our church,no tolerance at all for children and call themselves Christians. Those perfume counters just make me cough. Never curled my eyelashes,can't see to do it and don't get me started on eyebrow threading.ReplyDelete
I hate those type of tight-lipped folk. Supermarkets should ban them. I love that BH smells of BH and that you love it :-) But whoever needed to thread eyebrows?!? Not me!ReplyDelete
This is sooo funny, and so true! I really enjoyed reading it. Thanks, Carol.ReplyDelete
You are welcome. My life, such as it is, is becoming a source of merriment!! I think I am pleased...Delete
Great post, Carol. But: what on earth? I must say I'd have told that sad Tory Wife to mind her own business. She displayed ompletely ignorant, unnecessary, offensive and unacceptable callousness. What a fool.ReplyDelete
As for BH, my OH's used one brand for years. But when they stop producing it, I know he smells pretty good au naturel - at least when all the engine oil and grease comes off after work! ;-)
Mine was devastated when they stopped making talcum powder. Now having similar problem with Camay soap...Delete
Interesting and maybe no coincidence that Tory and twat start with the same letter....ReplyDelete
Hahaha. Good point, doggie!Delete
Fabulous post. A satirical swipe at those who deserve to be battered and also a sensitive portrayal of feelings. Much moved by this.ReplyDelete
Thanks! From such a great blogger, that is a worthy compliment!Delete
That's so sad about your friends daughter. You'd think people could be a little understanding.ReplyDelete
I don't know her, but big thumbs up for your friend. Fantastic unspoken, caustic demonstration. What really saddens me is the insensitivity of said tory burger. Politics aside, how could she have so little compassion or empathy. How could she? Beggars belief. Love the fragrance resolution for BH, by the way.ReplyDelete
Great story Carol - but it's confused me. In the Marylebone High Street Waitrose I ALWAYS take (or am given) a whole handful of those green things and then Bruce and I spend a few happy minutes working out which of the three charities should get how many of 'em. It has never occurred to me that I should take only one. None of the sweet checkout women ever looks surprised or reproving about a handful. And if I ever meet that damn nosy busy bum of a woman, I'd upend her into the chilled veg stand. And then stuff a copy of "Far From The Tree" down her jumper (it's an enormous book, and one she definitely ought to read). Hmmmph.ReplyDelete
Ah. Here, they only give you one. maybe two counters at most.Different area. Except that they are quite happy for E to take more. It's not their fault if some busybody tries to enforce rules that are nothing to do with her in the first place.Delete
Yes. That busybum takes your breath away, doesn't she?Delete
Disgusting woman. Great post.ReplyDelete
Is anyone feeding the fish? Scroll down....ReplyDelete
Nasty Tory woman. Exactly how did a child playing with a few green counters offend her sensibilities?ReplyDelete
Because WE MUST OBEY THE RULES!! We have suggested that our town could quite happily be twinned with Pyong Yang..Delete
You should have got him a bottle of Old Spice. That would have sorted him out Hedge!ReplyDelete
Urgh - no, my dad wore that!!!! I did get him some patchouli, but I nicked it!Delete
Don't quite understand what the green counters thing is but get the general gist, ie the sort of stupid power mad people who think that sort of thing matters. They're of the same mentality as the people I mentioned in a blog post of mine, you might remember, who say that if I smoke while part of my body is under the bus shelter but my arm and mouth outside it, that 'they' will tell me off if 'they' 'catch' me. Doesn't matter that the social class/amount in bank account/thing they're talking about might differ, it's the same mentality. Morons.ReplyDelete
Re the aftershave, I did that with my husband, too. Eternity by Calvin Klein has made me want to leap on people in the past, but it smells 'orrible on Him Indoors. Similarly, most perfume smells like cat's urine on me.
I have never needed eyebrow threading kits, but I'd never be without my hair straighteners, however old I get.
Funny, the perfume thing! I did encounter a guy in the street who smelled lovely - but I was too scared to tap him on the shoulder and ask him what he was wearing as aftershave. Oh well..Delete
I did that once, on a bus! This girl smelt amazing and I thought, I want to smell like that! She was really pleased to be asked - it was Dolce & Gabbana something or other - which smelt like cat wee on me, of course....Delete
Funny thAT ---- SEE eSTEE lAUDER INCIDENT ABOVE!! aLWAYS DOES.Delete
Just fed your poor starving fish - thought they were going to eat me! I'm the opposite to you Carole, I'm mid 50s, and it takes me longer and longer to get ready. Creams, serums - you name it! Flogging a dead horse I know, and spending a fortune, but I can't help it. Love reading your little tales : )ReplyDelete
Amanda, whereas I find I wear less make-up as I get older because I think it makes me look like a drag queen, I still do all the face and hair looking after stuff, too - well, why not? I don't chase youth because that would be pretty daft once you're over 50, but I want to still look the best I can for me, as I imagine you do too. Incidentally, cream E45 is as good as anything else, in my experience!! - the best thing you can do is stay out of the sun and have enough sleep, I think.Delete
As for Carol's fish - they're postive gourmands, I wouldn't worry about them. That 'hungry' look is a clever ploy....
OK - truth time - I do put on makeup and use creams - more so I don't get arrested than any other reason, but spending time with DD, I am constantly amazed at how many procedures the young undergo to be themselves. Hahaha wait till they get to my age!! You're still a baby!Delete
I think I may have posted one in Tory Wife's mouth! But then that's just me! Horrible woman.ReplyDelete
And at least BH doesn't smell of BS - that's always a bonus :)
How mean! My little niece Mary has Downs - I would have thought most people with half a brain could have seen what was happening fairly easily and made allowances.ReplyDelete
Not if you're a TORY!!! Their way or no way. Believe me!Delete
Another brilliant blog, creating indignation and hilarity in equal measures. Can just picture the kind of woman involved, someone who lives to put others in their place. Only way to avoid people like that is to do what I do - shop at Aldi's!ReplyDelete
(Although I'm sure you'll find most political persuasions there too!)
Good point about fragrances...once had a perfume I liked but hey discontinued it!
My BH refers to all aftershave as "essence of wet ferret". Doesn't stop him wearing it thought (aftershave, that is, not wet ferret)ReplyDelete
Great post Carol, I'd have told Tory wife to mind her own damn business and let child continue, ugh! some people!ReplyDelete
Your last paragraph had me in stitches, so I read it to hubs, two giggles for the price of one :o)
Take care, kimmie.
Glad you enjoyed it!Delete
You have such a sharp eye and clear way of writing, Carol, it's a pleasure to read your posts. You had me full of sympathy for your friend - for goodness sake, what is wrong with people like that Tory woman? - and also full of sympathy for your hubby - for very different reasons!ReplyDelete
I very much enjoyed this slice of life.