Saturday, 8 April 2017

Eyebrows & Other Annoying Stuff



The older I get (nearly 67 now!) the more I am baffled by the world and its wiles. Here are some of the things currently baffling me. Feel free to add your own.

1. Eyebrows 
One of my A level students has recently had her eyebrows 'enhanced', by whatever process this happens. She now has what looks like 2 furry caterpillars crawling across her face just above her eyes in a Frida Khalo sort of way.  It makes her face look all 'eyebrow' and I find myself addressing the whole lesson to them by default. I have noticed that a lot of the assistants in Space NK are similarly eyebrow-enhanced. And people I pass in the street,

My eyebrows have been slowly shrinking for years and now consist of a pathetic straggle of greying hair that I attempt to corral into some sort of arch with an eyebrow pencil. The right hand one always resembles a switchback as I can't draw with my left hand.

2.Makeup
It is a sad truism that the older one gets, the more one needs some sort of facial enhancement before leaving the house. Failure to use make-up results in people asking if you are feeling OK. Or crossing the street. Or both. Too much makeup, and the elderly face resembles a cake left out in the rain: overfilled cracks and hollows, damp and patchy areas and, if one has unwisely applied rouge, what I call the Refugee from Clown Class look. 
One has to find the balance between crone and casual. It is not an easy thing to achieve, believe me. What amazes me is the amount of stuff I am supposed to put on my face in order to look as if I haven't actually put on any makeup. Cleanser (can't use soap any more apparently.Too drying), followed by toner, followed by serum, followed by moisturizer, followed by sunscreen, followed by colour corrector, followed by contour cream, followed by insanity.
There are a whole range of products just for making up one's mouth! If I religiously followed the 'correct' procedures, I'd probably never get out of the house pre-lunch.

3. Fashion 
I read the 'Style' sections of the Sunday Papers with a sense of growing dread. Not only is there nothing I'd ever want to wear, it is all at eye-watering prices. A small bracelet that looks like it's been made of paperclips: £2000. Seriously? Does anybody buy this stuff, let alone wear it? And I DO resent the 'drape it on some willowy older model and then we can claim it's a universal look' thing.

Last week, the Sunday Times Style featured a pair of gold hoop earrings at a price that might buy you a small terraced house in Doncaster. And chip your front teeth every time you suddenly turned your head. As for jeans ~ don't get me started. Mind you, women of my age are not supposed to wear jeans in the first place. Or any place. Not even the retro-sixties ones that are now back in fashion, and that we wore in the real sixties. Step away from your youth, sister. It no longer belongs to you!

So here I am, a castaway on a small unreconstructed island, watching the ship of style sailing away into the distance. I am browless, fashion-free and improperly made-up. Do I care? Ah, well, that's another story!







19 comments:

  1. You haven't mentioned primer. I am a great fan of that for covering all the indentations in my face.

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  2. Very funny and oh so true! Angela Britnell

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  3. As I often say, "Of all the things that I've ever lost, I miss my eyebrows the most."

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    1. They never mention this in all the 'Aging gracefully' articles, do they?

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  4. My eyebrows (same age as you) have vanished... recently went on a so- called 'pamper' day at local college and asked the students to do me some fake ones. They drew them in at least half an inch higher than they should have been, and uneven. I looked like a leering Ken Dodd..,,

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    1. Love this! I got made up by the clinique team once....Oh.Dear. Straight to the loo for a wash-off!

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  5. Carol, I am intrigued by those eyebrows. Over here, I am sure they shave them off and then paint on the new versions. It looks completely bizarre, but apparently that's what you're supposed to do! I've always had a reasonable set of my own and I plan on keeping them just the way they are. As for makeup, I concede to eye shadow for work and a bit of concealer for my sun blotches, but for the rest, well I just watch in awe. A terrific post, CarolStar and one that I can well relate to! :) Now I'm going to look up what primer is...it sounds like I need to go to the hardware store for my 60s facial improvements! As it is, I've always told my kids my moisturiser was my version of Dulux Weatherguard.

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    1. Every time I go to Space NK, there is another layer to add. Eeek!

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  6. Sometimes I'm just glad to be male. Wrinkles? Who cares and they were expensive. Style? Mine, If someone doesn't like it? Their problem not mine. Jeans? Due to the Chap manifesto, NOPE. Chinos are a lot more comfortable and looking better

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    1. Actually, theere are now the same amount of 'male grooming' products as there are female! Imagine it! No, don't...

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  7. I'm in the 'don't care' corner. Fashion is just that - fashion. It comes and goes. I wasn't even tempted by the suggestion I should get my eyelashes permed in Bangkok!

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  8. Totally with you on this Carol, and particularaly the makeup. I've just been for a makeup trial due to being a mother-of-the-bride in a couple of weeks - it took an hour to 'do' me! An hour! I'm usually done and out in house in a couple of minutes - what must people think of me.

    However, my recent issue was being floored by tights. I need some for the big day - see above - and could not comprehend the choice available. Apart from the obvious colour and denier choices there is a vast range of different support types, sheer, glossy, an oiled look (alarming!), open toe, sheer toe and a multitude of combinations of all of these - many sounding suspiciously the same but just with the words in a different order. I walked out (without tights)totally overwhelmed and pondered on the youthful lady from whom I'd just bought shoes. She recommended bare legs!!! Oh, how we laughed. ;-)

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    1. Ah, the Mother of the Bride thing! I got out of tht coz I was lay advocate on a 3 day public inquiry trying to save our local park. Tell you what though ~ didn't half make the weight drop off. Good luck to your daughter..hope she has a wonderful day. Your only requisite is to make sure your makeup is WATERPROOF!!! Take it from one who has been there.

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    2. I shall take note of that (I might have to have makeup woman follow me around for the day!) I do wish all this was making the weight drop off me, but then stress has always made me eat :-/

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    3. Stress: stuff or starve. I'm a starver. I assure you starving is no fun.

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  9. I am grateful to you for writing about eyebrows, Carol. My eyebrows are grateful too. By way of thanks, here's a poem I wrote when I was 43 which was far too long ago. I don't entirely agree with my former self who didn't realise there was worse to come.

    Enough’s enough

    It’s all the maintenance I hate,
    removing grease and adding paint,
    sanding down and shaving off.
    At forty-three, I’ve had enough.
    I’m sick of clipping, tired of mowing;
    it’s time my nails and hair stopped growing.

    Heather Wastie
    (from The Page-Turner's Dilemma)

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    1. Haha! Thanks, Heather! It gets worse, and the pressure gets worse and the inability to alter anything gets worse. But then, the 'why bother?' gets better!

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